16/8/2006 -22/8/06 Decision

16/8/2006 wednesday
work morning, afternoon plan to go out wif siew hui but unable to get thru
then J called up, watch fast and furious Tokyo Drift together, a very nice show.. I like the technical of car drifting, amazing, must be superb good then can drive like that.. but worry ppl see this movie will start imitate and will cause road danger...

J been very nice to me,even yu ting mistaken he is my boyfriend,
sometimes I wonder did he treat every friends like that.. that kind of worry suddenly felt..

I am not sure he is the one? but many times when I am in sad mood ,I received his msg..
I am afraid he is another PA or D
and I feel I am not good enough to involve in BGR for many reason..ppl just dun understand...
I am different with other girl, with some reason ...
I definately not a lesbian or something sex transform or wat... I like MAN , not WOMAN
I am a girl that need a person really Love me a lot if I involve in BGR, not so simple




17/8/2006 thursday
restday, at home
tidy up the home
watch Tv drama Princess Hour


18/8/2006 Friday
Training for diabetic course
J asked me out for lending me fast and furious part 2,
Met him at Bugis, the building is very nice.. I wait for him while listening music thru net
He looks speechless and down, dunno wat's wrong with him..walk with him through the bugis street, suddenly he suggested to go to esplanade.. we sat at the bench there..yeah, the scene is beautiful, and there is performance, I sensed he wanna say something, I began to worried .. he been quiet as he see me try to distract the conversation, he speechless and lie on my shoulder, then I said "my shoulder can lend u, but u must not like me"
when being asked the reason why, i said I can treat male as buddies or friend, I dun wan to hurt him, as my heart still thinking W, been almost 5 years I still can't forget him, and for some reasons..I guess that is Love ba, although he been so naughty , too many ppl favourite and unforgiven for his act and never love me like I do.. but I always miss him..
I know J is hurt.. i can sense the sadness like a flow of bitter gasses make my heart feel sour

His act remind me of W very often...
Although W and me get together is very short.. but it seems like very long
I struggle inside whether just accept J like that, but I can't, I really dunno wat's my feeling to him and do not want to accept him just because want to forget W
I guess I will only moved by the person that really love me a lot ba
Let's God lead ba

so for these few days can't really sleep well, I can't forget W , I love W, accept J, is J the one , is W the one?think too much
and post menstruation ,been very down , watching drama not to think anything...distraction

If What W mean life story by Dick Lee is a hinting for me, I will find and talk to him

When I been down,not only relationship, in many aspect of life, thank you for Sy Hoi and Chng Kai my brother and sister for the support

All I need to do is pray, not to stray away from God, have faith in God, found out my faith is so little.. haiz

The last sermon I went , need to remind me of this
"Believe and understand in God's word"
"Faith without Act is death"